Monday, April 13, 2009

Husbands family upset with me? What should I have done in this situation?

My husbands grandmother died, 2nd death for his family in less than a month, we went to the funeral, and then afterwards spent a couple days with his family, as did 6 of his siblings all in their 40%26#039;s or 50%26#039;s, his mom had about 8-10 people crashing at her place for a week, she gave up her bed(their house is 850 sq ft or so) and everything. We stayed in a hotel with our kids because we did not want to impose. While there I accidently overheard a conversation between his mom and her sister, she said she did not know how she was going to have enough food for the rest of the month until the next pension check and ssi check came(she is too proud to get food stamps or anything) no one had brought anything but pies and sweets and had been eating there for almost a week(about 15-20 people were there every meal) so instead of buying agift and flower arrangement we bought groceries

his mom was a bit flustered but thanked us but later several people bit my head off about it was I wrong?
Husbands family upset with me? What should I have done in this situation?
FlowersBirthday FlowersSympathy FlowersThey bit your head off to take the focus off of their own lack of taking care of something that was needed. Forget it because the people who bit your head off are ignorant self centered people whose opinions mean nothing.
Reply:You did a kind and practical deed. Her other family should take a hint and help out more.
Reply:You did what all of them should have been doing. You did a nice thing, do not let them make you feel bad.
Reply:You did the right thing. If anyone was eating off your mother-in-law, then griping about you providing the food in their mouths, that says more about them than it does about you. It is minimal common courtesy to bring food into a household where you are staying and eating. Everyone at her house should have been doing it. My guess is that they were embarrassed that you showed that you had such superior manners to them.

The gift card idea that people gave above is OK, but then she would have had to make time to go get groceries on her own, at a very difficult time. It would not have been as helpful as what you actually did.
Reply:You certainly did the right thing by providing groceries, even though Mom might have been flustered by the gesture.
Reply:Don%26#039;t feel bad at all, what you guys did was right. What did the rest of the family think that the mother survived on, air and pies? And where did they think the food they ate that week came from, the food fairy?

People like these burn my toast. You did the right thing. No one wants to feel as though they are a charity case, but EVERYONE needs help from time to time. Thank God you were there this time. And I think the mother wanted help, or why else would she have mentioned that she was strapped for cash?
Reply:NOTHING you do will make everyone happy, although I am curious as to how %26#039;everyone%26#039; knew what you did?

Perhaps it was not so much the gift, but the way it was done? Perhaps taking her to the store or getting her a gift card would have been more subtle?
Reply:You did the right thing. Those who complained complained out of jealousy. Your gesture made them realize how low and cheap they were so they got upset.
Reply:I think it was a thoughtful gift. Perhaps a gift card for a store that sells both groceries and other things would have been received better- Like target or walmart. But, at the end of the day you showed more consideration than the rest of the family.
Reply:This is a similar situation to what I have encountered with my in laws. You did absolutely the right thing. The other choice would have been to have a family meeting and collect money from everyone for groceries. Who cares what they think?
Reply:I think you did a kind thing, and I think you managed to do it without it seeming too much like charity. It seems like everyone was rude by not buying food for their mother while they were mooching off of her. I would have done the same thing.
Reply:They are mad because your gesture has now highlighted what an ungrateful and selfish group of people they have become.
Reply:I agree with what someone said: they%26#039;re going through a rough time and maybe that%26#039;s why they%26#039;re taking out their negative emotions on someone -- and since you%26#039;re the %26quot;outsider%26quot; you were the perfect target, also because you did something THEY should have done themselves and that got them exposed. No one likes to be exposed in front of their very own MOTHER..... but that%26#039;s THEIR problem. I also think it was incredibly rude to come to YOU and tell you what they thought - if they were jealous, mad or whatever, they should have kept that to themselves. I usually stand up for myself, so I%26#039;d have probably answered in a sarcastic tone: %26quot;well, I%26#039;m sorry but since I didn%26#039;t see anyone doing it MY HUSBAND AND I felt that it was something that would be helpful for everyone... I didn%26#039;t think it was wrong to offer some support to the entire FAMILY (they were gonna eat out of what you bought too, for sure) in this moment of need%26quot;. If you don%26#039;t want to confront them, then I guess it%26#039;s your husband%26#039;s duty to stand up for you and make them stop their BS. I%26#039;m sure that if you had done nothing to help your M-I-L they would have bit your head off about it as well!!! You can never please everyone..... if you did this out of the heart then just ignore everyone%26#039;s remarks...... they don%26#039;t matter, only what you did and how you feel about it.
Reply:What a gem you are! The ones bitchin%26#039; are the ones who have helped scarf down all mom%26#039;s food! You did something extremely kind and unselfish. You should be proud of yourself. I am and I%26#039;m sure the rest of the answers agree. Kudos to you!!!!!!!
Reply:I think what you did was very considerate.

When my father inlaw passed away I spent the three days I was at my mother in laws buying groceries and cooking. She was not financially strapped by any means, but by having food pre-prepared and frozen and the pantry well stock it eliminated the burden on her. She to this day (5 years later) tells everyone that was the single most helpful thing anyone did for her after his death.

The several people who bit your head off were wrong and should apologize.
Reply:As you know, people are always going to find something to b**** about. You have done nothing wrong in this situation. I wouldnt let it get to you. If ANYONE %26quot;bit your head off%26quot; then they were the one%26#039;s that were out of line. You were being thoughtful and responsible. Please don%26#039;t let this get to you. I would let your mother in law know that you were just trying to help, or let your husband tell her, which, I feel is something that he should do. Since it is easier for him to stand up to his family than you trying to stand up to them. They are going through a hard time and sometimes people can try to single others out, especially if they aren%26#039;t in the family.
Reply:That was *very* thoughtful of you! Best wishes.
Reply:Well you did the right thing. Other people could%26#039;ve volunteered chipping in for the groceries, instead of biting your head off. They are jealous because you bought groceries and they didn%26#039;t. This is what I would have done. If I heard the conversation. I would put my coat on and buy healthy nutritious foods. I%26#039;m always the person who makes the first initiative to make things happen.genealogy mormon

No comments:

Post a Comment