Monday, April 13, 2009

Do most relatives fight all the time over funeral arrangements and splitting of their parent's assets.?

How can we minimize hate, bitterness, hurt feelings, and anger this weekend when we meet to split up some of the stuff. It is only a month since mom died and I cannot understand the big rush to do it all now and in one day..they are all stressing me out. Is this normal..the family is real dysfunctional and my brother nearly attacked me twice..once from stress of the day and saying the flower spray was too much (at the most $50 over the cheapest one)..he screamed, said I weas lying to hiom and truying to chat him, vowed revenge and broke glass in the house and overturned books...another time went craxy because I wanted to ask the lawyer what a legal paper was before signing it..he screamed, im,plied he would cheat my on the will which he can do as to how it was written and demanded my mom%26#039;s house key back..we did make up but this is crazy..I am dreading Sunday and feel I will get cheated, hurt feelings, and not the things I would like...I feel like not gouing but he said I need to go
Do most relatives fight all the time over funeral arrangements and splitting of their parent%26#039;s assets.?
FlowersBirthday FlowersSympathy FlowersI don%26#039;t know why but it seems like that%26#039;s the way MANY families get when one passes away. From what I have seen in my own family and in families of others close to me it seems like you are definitely NOT alone. I don%26#039;t know why it gets so ugly with everyone arguing over who gets what, who deserves what and so on. It all seems so petty and it brings out the ugliness you never knew existed in people. Maybe it%26#039;s because of the hurt losing someone close brings and that many just don%26#039;t know how to deal with it any other way. Maybe it%26#039;s because everyone starts to scramble for material things that will remind them of that person, somehow feeling like you have something to remember them by. Or, maybe it%26#039;s just greed...claiming what they feel they%26#039;ve earned.

Regardless of why, you aren%26#039;t alone. You should go. It may be that the other members just want to get that settled so you can all start to move on. Try to stay above the pettiness. Don%26#039;t let the others drag you into that. It sounds like your brother is not taking this well and he%26#039;ll have to get past it on his own. You obviously are very different and that%26#039;s probably why his behavior is so surprising to you. Go and meet with them and if things get out of hand, make sure your voice is heard. If you can, let them know how you feel and how much it hurts you to see everyone fighting. If that%26#039;s out of the question, I would walk away. You don%26#039;t need material things to remember her by and nothing material is worth getting vicious with family, no matter how dysfunctional they may be. If there are things you want, let them know right away and leave them to fight eachother for the rest. The last thing you need is this negativity when you are grieving from the loss of your mother. It will only bring more pain. Continue to be strong and protect yourself from any more. I hope it all works out. My condolences.
Reply:bally and threatened that the money owed me would not be given knowing I had no legal recourse due to how it was set was all based on trust due to circumstances beyond our control.. Report It

Reply:I never dreamed I would be scapegoated this much. I was one of the few sane and rational ones and was roundly attacked. I will never get over how they treated me and especially the betrayal of my best friend brother who turned on me Report It

Reply:repeatedly in the last 6 weeks. when she died, the family did split.I feel now I want to have no contact and maybe even move to another state but wanting to see how it pans out when everyone calms down. Report It

Reply:Unfortunately, alot of families fight over meaningless material possessions. Whenever something like this occurs in my family, I volunteer that they can have anything they want except one thing and they can%26#039;t have that. That is the quality of time I spent with my loved one before they passed. That is something nobody can take from me. And that is more precious than anything on earth.
Reply:So sorry for your loss.

Its a damn shame that some people cant even wait until parents are in the ground until they start with the %26quot;Wheres mine and OBTW..I deserve more because I did (fill in the blank)!%26quot;

Ive actually heard of knockdown drag outs at the funeral homes.
Reply:you said most...

and I would say,, yes...

but not all.. it is sad but true.. good luck..
Reply:I%26#039;m sorry for your loss. Yes it is normal for conflict and confusion. It sounds like your brother isn%26#039;t coping too well. From my personal experience thereis usually at least one family member who for whatever reason and that is individual as we are. They can feel like they had a closer relationship with the person who%26#039;s passed on and deserve more posessions than the others. A time that is hard for all made harder by unrealistic expectations. If he is the only male he may feel it is all his task. It wont make sense from others perspective. For whatever reson it is happening. You have as much right as any in the family and will be angry at yourself if you dont get that which is most dear to you. People deal with Grief and loss in many ways. One way to take emotion away is to seek legal representation or some kind of third party. Maybe talking to your brother about what is happening for him prior to the day may help. Not knowing your relationship makes that hard. Maybe some research on grief and loss.

I hope it works out for you.
Reply:Some people think that money and material possessions are the important things in life, only to find out that things only last for so long and money can only buy happiness for a short time. The important things can not be bought or stored on a shelf. You will only be cheated if possessions mean more than the relationship you had with your mother. I am sorry that you lost your mother, but honor her by not being like your brother.
Reply:Please accept my condolences, unfortunately a death

in the family can really bring out the ugly in people.

A lot of families hurt each other over possessions

that belonged to the deceased. They forget about the

need to be there to support each other. You have a

legal right to your inheritance how ever large or small

it is. You are your mother%26#039;s child and as such you should

be able to question things. Don%26#039;t allow anyone to get away

with trying to intimidate you.
Reply:I can not put it any better than LIPPIE
Reply:Memories are far more special than %26quot;things%26quot;fitness

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